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The worst moment in my life that I can recall is the day that my estranged husband planned out and tried to fullfill his plan to kill me. As the incident took place my life flashed before my eyes as he beat me unmercifully. But it wasn't actual events that I saw; my loved ones faces pictured clearly in my head. slowly, lingering one by one: my daughter, my son, my precious grandchildren, and my loving parents, I even saw my best friend. What appeared to take hours, only took a few short minutes, as the visions vividly playing in my mind, became my reasons for living, and kept me breathing!
It began on a chilly, December morning. My routine never wandered far from the norm, I woulld rise every morning, start the coffee, and drag myself to the shower to awaken my rested body for another day at work. I would check my e-mail just before leaving the house, always allowing for plenty of time to answer messages of any importance.
While I was walking to the back door to leave for work, I glanced at the clock. Chiming to the 7:30 bell, it gave me the surety that I was right on time for work. I shut the door behind me, checking to be sure it was locked. Much to my surprise, my estranged husband stood before me with a crow bar in his right hand. He had jumped from behind the door. Silently I stepped back, as I found myself starring into his cold, empty eyes; eyes that I will never be able to hide from the memory of that moment. I could feel intense fear entering my body, fear beyond anything that I had ever felt. As he stood over me, he ordered "Open the door up, I want your gun!" My first and only answer was to say " NO!"
He then started beating me in the head, and I couldn't see any way out of the pinned-in place that he had me. At one point he reached into his pocket and pulled out an ice pick. At that moment I knew instantly that he was trying to kill me. He kept beating and stabbing, as the blood streamed from my head, hands, and stomach. I was screaming for help! Nobody seemed to hear me, I thought I was alone. What appeared to me to take a very long time were only a few short minutes.
I finally got away and somehow ran for my neighbor's house, while I was pounding on every window screaming for help, I could almost feel him breathing down the back of my neck. I knew that he was going to kill me. My neighbor finally let me in the house where i was safe. I knew by the look on her face that i was dying.
I don't remember much at that point, I had lost two pints of blood in a very quick amount of time. I knew that i was fading dangerously in and out of consciousness. I don't recall the ride to the hospital or much about the questioning, but I do remember the safety I felt when they told me they had arrested him.
After eleven hours in the trauma unit, I finally awoke to see the fear in my family's eyes. At that point I knew I was seriously hurt, but still could not fathom what had happen to me. I was a domestic violence counselor! I had done it all right! By the book! "What had happened? How could this happen to me?" I kept asking myself over and over. Out of all the confusion, the professional part of this victim appeared at a loss for answers, I was broken, battered, and beaten. I remember thinking that it all had to be a nightmare; nothing this horrifying could be real!
My broken, bleeding and battered body, held nothing but confusion and pain for a very long time. Still suffering at times, but I am no longer a victim. Now I am a survivor! Day after day, I go on, without looking back. I know that I am safe as long he is behind bars.
The devestation of this horrendous moment has changed my life in many ways. My ways of thinking, my beliefs and boundaries, and most of all, my outlook on life leaves nothing to my imagination. Second-guessing just doesn't happen in my world anymore.
I recently relocated and I will live my life until his prison term is up with some sense of safety, and then deal with what is to come, as it comes. Presently I am back in school as a psych major; still working towards helping people in the same place I have already had the unfortunate experience of being. Having been there, done that, I still do not know how someone feels, but I sure can relate to somebody who comes to me and says "she is afraid for her life."
I am living each day one at a time, and what took a short moment in my life time to devestate, is going to also be that same moment in my life, that was the first day of the rest of my life.
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STORY# 2 |
